What they wish they had known

Over 15 years, I interviewed hundreds of entrepreneurs and their parents to learn how they were raised.

On the whole, these families are very happy with how their kids turned out. The parents say their grown children are not only accomplished and financially successful, but generous and kind. But looking back now, so many of the parents told me there were several things they wished they had known while their children were growing up. 

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These aren’t the same as their regrets. Still, the parents shared with me that, with this knowledge, they might have focused on different things or stressed less about what would become their children’s bright futures. 

Here are the four things they would go back and tell themselves as young parents.

Most of the parents I spoke to believed that a college degree was essential for a successful career. 

Entrepreneur Matt Mullenweg, the founder of WordPress, launched the company while he was a student at the University of Houston, and dropped out to run it. Today, WordPress is just one part of Automattic, the global software company that Mullenweg leads. 

Thomas Vu’s parents wanted him to be a doctor. Instead, Vu dropped out of UC San Diego to join the first intern class at Electronic Arts. He went on to become the lead producer of League of Legends, head of creative for Riot Games, and executive producer of the Emmy-nominated hit show “Arcane.”

In hindsight, they say they didn’t need to worry so much. Their kids didn’t get a degree, but in the end, it did not matter. They pursued and accomplished their dreams, and their skill, dedication and conviction were more than enough. 

Acclaimed director Jon Chu’s parents told me that, as early as 10, he was taken with storytelling and making movies. They worried that his passion might be a distraction from a real job and responsibilities. But it’s hard to argue with the international blockbuster success of Chu’s most recent film, “Wicked.” 

Now, they realize that Chu putting in those 10,000 hours doing what he loved, and was good at, was worth it. A lot of the parents I interviewed feel the same way. They recognize that their children’s passion helped them succeed in their careers, even if their children’s lives don’t look quite like they envisioned. 

Many future entrepreneurs played sports intensively and none of them went pro. Their parents told me they worried that all the time their children were spending on the playing field instead of the classroom was a waste of time.

Eric Ryan, the founder of Method, Olly, and Welly, told me he was a terrible student, but he loved sailing. There he learned valuable skills like resilience, grit, perseverance, and confidence, all of which turned him into the entrepreneur he is today. His parents didn’t need to worry that all his hours on the water would prevent career success — quite the opposite.

Many of these entrepreneurs and leaders credited their parents with teaching them the value of a dollar. So I was surprised that a lot of the parents said they wished they had been more open about their own family finances and had used it better as a teaching tool. 

Some parents told me they wish they had brought their kids into financial decision making, whether that was budgeting, purchasing big items like a car, or investing in the stock market. Others told me that they wished they’d had their kids set up a bank account or get a credit card in high school. 

For example, they wished they had been more upfront when they were getting a new car, discussing leasing versus buying, how expensive a car to get, the trade-offs with other things they want. They believe that teaching their children about how to spend money would have helped when they started their companies.

Many parents of the highly successful adults that I spoke to said that they were careful not to scold or punish their kids when they failed. However, many also told me they wish they had gone a step farther. 

The parents wished they had known to celebrate the failures as much as the successes, because they realized that you only take the kind of creative risks that lead to innovation if you understand that failure is how you learn and grow — and that your defeat should be fuel for your next success. 

They saw that their children’s failures were more important to their development than their easy wins. 

This is something I would also tell myself as a young parent. Now, Billie Jean King’s mantra is one I return to often, and impart to my own grown kids: “It’s not failure, it’s feedback.”

Margot Machol Bisnow is a writer, mom and parenting expert. She spent 20 years in government, including as an FTC Commissioner and Chief of Staff of the President’s Council of Economic Advisers, has spent the last 10 years speaking to parent groups about raising fearless, creative, confident, resilient, entrepreneurial children who are filled with joy and purpose, and is the author of “Raising an Entrepreneur: How to Help Your Children Achieve Their Dreams.” Follow her on Instagram @margotbisnow.

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